Fucking Live, Damn It!

     People nowadays are not used to taking things into their own hands. Sure, maybe down to the bubble of their own existence in society, when it comes to how they live their lives, but not on a grander scale that affects their community. We’ve spent so much of our lives waiting for elected officials to run things and do their jobs and we really expected and trusted them with our well-being. That was a mistake of ours and now we are waking up to the American Nightmare slowly but surely. 

     You can look up various quotes from the ages that always say to keep public pressure and a close eye on our leaders. Consider how many times you have heard someone shy away from a political conversation by saying that they don’t talk about politics. I know quite a few people that have said that and consider it to be too serious of a topic for conversation. This boggles my mind, but I do understand. I used to shy away from political debates and talk because I knew I was ignorant on the subject. I felt that I didn’t know enough to add to the discussion and really didn’t even know enough to keep up in listening to people go on about it. I hated politics and still do for the most part, but it helps to know a bit more about what’s going on now. So, this makes me wonder how many people there are in our country that are still shying away and keeping political information at a distance. We really should know or have an idea of what’s going on in our own country as it affects all of us that live here. Especially, if we’d like to further understand what’s going on in other countries of the world. Our country has it’s hands in a lot of people’s cookie jars!

     If you don’t understand something, how can you even begin to have compassion for the subject? It’s no wonder that you can watch your neighbors get dragged away by police and assume that they deserved it. It’s no wonder that the police can get away with so much by using a simple phrase as “I’m just doing my job”. Our soceity has been conditioning us to believe so many things about ourselves, that it’s literally limiting our potential as a species. Think of any time in school where they asked you what you wanted to be. The pressure to decide in itself causes a lot of turmoil in a growing youth’s mind. We see others easily deciding what to be all around us and begin to feel defective when we don’t know ourselves. I always wanted to be a plethora of things when I grew up. Writer, singer, artist, scientist, musician, traveler, etc… and most of the people in schools asking what I wanted to be told me I had to pick one thing. That one thing was usually supposed to be an option that they provided, as well. They were always concerned with us getting into careers that made the most money. I remember all of my teachers always complaining about how little money they were making, too.

     So what if I don’t want to be a computer programmer? And why doesn’t someone as important as a teacher make more money? Why doesn’t our soceity do things that make the most sense? We are all human beings with the capacity for critical thinking. We have machines that are supposedly freeing up all our time. Except, instead of giving us more free time, we are expected to utilize said free time to do even more work! And we don’t get paid for all the time we’ve saved by using our new technology. Hell… we barely get paid for the time we spend working anyways. Plus, no matter how much more you begin to make, the cost of living will rise to keep you from getting ahead. All of a sudden you’re stuck in that job that you got just to make some money to pay for the car and gas to get to that same job. Plus, food, rent, utilities, insurance, tags, and maybe a little something for yourself. The only people that you ever see driving that cherry red convertible is an old stuck up white person trying to keep their toupe’ from flying off and down the road.

     Life on the hamster wheel keeps you in place and keeps you from questioning and asking for more out of life. You become thankful just to have your head above water.

 

But life can be so different.

 

     You just have to stop believing that what soceity tells you and has been telling you for years… is the only way to live. We’ve seen civilizations from the past live so differently. We know things have been and can be different. Things haven’t changed because they were “supposed to” become this way. They’ve changed because we’ve either gotten lazy and shy, or because we’ve become so busy in the hamster wheel that we feel that there is no time to sit and consider an alternative way of life. That’s no good! You’re whole life should not be spent too busy to wonder what you really want out of life!

     What’s even worse is that instead of spending the few moments of free time that you have each day alone and thinking of what you’d really like out of life, YOU TURN ON THE TELEVISION. I’m sure that many people believe that t.v. is comforting free time to veg out, but really it’s just another moment in your day when you’re not driving by billboards or being bombarded online now, that advertisements have a chance to enter your conscience and subconscience for when you sleep. It’s not just the advertisements that kill me. It’s the fact that t.v. has become a way for people to consider how soceity should be run. You see how people act in a commercial and all of a sudden everyone that’s seen that same commercial thinks they should treat their friends the way the people in the commercial did. It’s crazy! If you consider that animals learn from each other and through imitation… consider the scenarios and situations being created in tv shows and commercials nowadays! I will admit that not all t.v. is absolutely fucking terrible, but I honestly couldn’t give you a good list of what to steer clear from since I would rather stay a good distance away from a television set that is on. Growing up on t.v. has made it impossible for me to think my own thoughts or give someone my full attention when it’s on around me and I value those two things more than mind-numbing visual stimulation.

     I can’t even imagine how many people live vicariously through the t.v. set and never go out and do the things that they watch people doing. Trust me. If you want to travel, go do it. Don’t watch people travel on t.v. It’s nowhere NEAR the same. And don’t go on about how you’d have to save up for years and book a hotel room and yada yada yada… Lower your standards of what traveling should be like and just go have an experience. People used to travel the country and world all the time without booking a nice hotelroom and flying. The most fun in adventures is doing things that you’ve never done before, in places you’ve never been before, in situations you’ve never come across or seen. It’s the uniqueness of the events that unfold while you are adventuring. The fact that some things happen to you that no one else has ever been through in the exact same way. Isn’t that how life is? Or should be? We shouldn’t be cattle. Herded into the same stalls eating the same food living the same lives until we die. Fuck that!

     In videogames, you gain experience. And you level up. Honestly, sometimes in life it really feels like that. You go through months of circumstances and situations. Then all of a sudden you feel like you level up when you feel the collective knowledge that you’ve gathered from all of these experiences and especially whenever you get to use that knowledge in new situations or to help people. To me, that is the epitomy of satisfaction and gaining wisdom. This is how I love to live. Always growing and never fully knowing. Keep an open mind. Question all of existence. Love with complete abandon. And live the life of your dreams. So far as we know, this is our one life to live. Why waste it on someone else’s dream of how we should be living? Why waste it on hesitating and debating?

 

Fucking live, damn it! 🙂

 

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Happiness is a choice.

I forget this often when the chaos gets to be too much,

but I remember now.

 

It takes a good friend and a rope tied around your waist,

but you can be pulled back from the edge.

 

     Times are tough and getting tougher for everyone. My mom is becoming weary from being homeless and I can tell that she’s losing it daily. 😦 I can only offer her a couch to sleep on whenever I’m in town and for this reason, I may stay home from events in Atlanta more often so she can have a place to stay.

 

I keep feeling like it’s the end of the world and losing sight of the future and its possibilities. >.<!

 

I’m trying so hard to slow down my life and get into a new rhythm of living since I’m going from wild adventures and Occupy events to being weak and having a cute little baby on the way. I’m definitely not used to “slowing my roll”. I’m completely impatient and antsy. I’m still not even used to being in the same place or at home for more than three days at a time. It drives me crazy. I’m sure most people crave stability, but I’ve spent most of my life confined to a room and when I’m in one place for too long I begin to wonder if it’s by choice or not. Every time I get stuck somewhere out of state or in the city, I end up with so many ideas and lots of inspiration for when I return home. It’s addictive and lovely. ^_^!

 

I have to keep reminding myself that I need to focus on different aspects of my life for now and that this is only a temporary status. It’s so hard to remember that now. >.<! I need to just do what I can with what is in front of me and do it well. 

 

Right now I feel so strange for not being at the RNC in Tampa. The second major national Occupy action that I’ve missed intentionally. xP (I missed May Day due to the intense sickness brought on by my first trimester.) I’m most likely going to miss the DNC in Charlotte, too and go to DragonCon locally. So #S17 will be my last Occupy Adventure of the year. I still have to finish out my court dates, too! 

 

After all of this, I’m moving.

 

Only friends are to know about where I’m moving to, but I’m going to move in October or November. Unfortunately, it depends on my court dates and the city keeps causing them to be delayed because they don’t want to work with us.

 

So this is where my life is right now. 

In a planning phase of impatience. haha

I never plan things out.

Not even what I’m doing tomorrow.

But since I feel very limited on the things I can do right now, planning things makes me feel productive.

 

Also, OccuBaby has been moving around so much in my belly.

It’s so cute! I feel like I can’t wait to meet this kid and see him/her grow into someone beautiful.

My little buddy. ❤ Hehehe!

 

So, I know this post has probably been boring. But oh well.

I feel good in this moment and I’m so glad to have my head feel more clear than it has been recently.

 

I almost feel ready to really live again.

I’m choosing to be happy.

Sadness is as temporary as you make it.

And I don’t want to be sad anymore.

 

❤ Kimlee

 

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thump thump…

I put my feelings for you on a shelf somewhere.

I labeled it “Poison”.

 

Sometimes, if it’s quiet enough…

you can hear my Tell-Tale heart beating from the jar.

 

It’s okay, as long as it’s from afar.

 

Those feelings need to take a time out anyways.

Running around in my head confusing me…

 

Now I feel nothing.

Nothing for nothing.

 

Maybe if you’re good enough, I’ll take down the jar.

But for now that would be quite unwise.

 

Hopefully, they won’t suffocate in there…

 

Can feelings die if they’re not properly tended to?

 

I guess we’ll see…

 

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August seventeenth, two-thousand & twelve

On those two shooting stars that

          you didn’t see…

              I made a wish for you

  and a wish for me.

       I wished that you would live

                Happily

  Whether or not, it was because of me.

 

  My heart wants to go

            where my head won’t tread.

  I can’t shake those feelings 

            I can’t shake this dread.

 

the more I fell for you,

           the less sane I became.

  And when the rules were re-written

       I completely lost the game.

 

  This is it. The real deal.

        I can’t even remember the appeal.

  My heart is whimpering in sighs

        and I miss the light in your eyes.

 

     I tasted too much… fuck!

 

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Dis Obey

Society in the rough.

     We take one glance and we’ve had enough.

Air, water and mind pollution

     creating a haze over all our solutions.

We’re told what to wear, what to buy,

     What to eat,

We’re told who to hate, who to fight,

     Who to beat.

 

Relinquish control of your soul and this drole

     life.

   Pick up your feet and put down the knife.

There’s a new war being fought in the streets.

So stand up and never settle back down in your

     seats.

 

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August something or other…

Traveling,

              like a beggar with my cup,

     I ask people to fill it up.

                   with inspiration

                               and determination.

     To help me repair this un-united nation.

        I bathe in contemplation

                    and seek elation

                           while remaining complacent.

Complacent in my doubts.

     Inside my head I shout

                      obscenities.

  Can I get a friendly amendment to my

                   insanity?

     No takers. Only movers and shakers.

              I stand still here.

                      barely alive.

     While everything flows past me.

               and I survive..Image

July Fifth, Two-Thousand & Twelve

Go somewhere new.

Forget what you know.

Merge with new souls.

and reap what you sow.

Love a stranger. Kill judgment.

Lose yourself and find someone else.

Through the folds of time and the

fabric of fate.

Realize that you draw the lines and

begin to dissipate the hate.

Never late or tardy,

but early to the party.

Just do with what you can

across the seas and through the land.

Join hands with your self.

Move your feet and think

with stealth.

 

Thoughts BECOME Things

BECOME Things.

BECOME Things.

 

Thoughts Become Things.

BeCoMe ThInGs.

BECOME Things.

think   anew.

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