Single Mom Status

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Eeo’s first week of life.

 

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Second month

 

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Third month

 

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Fourth month

 

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Fifth month

 

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Sixth month

 

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Time is definitely flying by.

 

I used to always think about friends that I know that were having children. Whether they were married, going through rough times with their mate, or just trying to do it on their own. I would think about them often and wonder what it was like to be an “Earth Ambassador” to a new human life on this planet. I was envious, sure, but timid.

I knew that I wanted to be a mother some day.

I just wasn’t into forcing the idea and knew that I had much life to discover myself.

I write to you now as one of these fortunate life-givers. And what a new perspective!

It has taken me months to get into the groove and roll with the tide of motherhood.

It’s a bit like enlightenment in the way that you always reach for such a high status yet you don’t always feel like your best. Motherhood is full of trials that mostly reside internally in the self. To me, at least. On the outside, things are achieved with much time and effort. On the inside, there is always an internal dialogue humming away and many struggles to overcome.

Anthropologically, I consider what it must be like to live in a tribal culture raising a child within a group and having constant company and family comfort. I imagine children dancing around a fire with relatives and neighbors, singing merrily and being thankful and joyous. The view of the stars casting an epic background of wonder behind the eyelids that shut every night before snuggling into a mother’s warm and comforting embrace. Ahh…

 

As for the more advanced and “civilized” countries, I see much isolation. A young mother on tv getting ready for prom and talking about the next boy she will date while putting on her make-up and ignoring her own mother holding her baby in the background. 

 

I’m not going back and forth between comparisons. All mothers everywhere work at their own tempo and tune. I just can’t help but realize this view of parenthood that we have in this country. I have had instances where people I don’t even know have asked my family about me and “the baby” and they proceed to feel sorry for/about me and try to offer some sympathy as they say that it suck about the father.

 

“it sucks about the father…”

 

Haha. ^_^! This is really silly to me because it is always assumed that the father left the mother all alone and helpless with the child. Unfortunately, I guess this does happen enough in our culture to make the assumptions so prominent. But for me, this is not the case.

 

I need to be alone with Eeo. Her father is not a piece of shit that ran off and left us. I was the one that decided to do this on my own and told him to go become his own person. We don’t hate each other. So there. Leave the details to us and consider something…

 

A new child should not be considered a burden.

Imagine being born with that on your shoulders. “I am a burden to the people I love around me…” That would be horrible! And I can admit that I have felt this in my childhood more than once. I will not let Eeo feel that way. She is beautiful, wonderful, and the best thing to ever happen to me! 😀

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This seems to be the only way that I would have ever given myself the chance to be alone/single and work on my dreams and self-cultivation. Without Eeo, I was lost and losing myself more and more each day. Adding to the layers of ego like layers of dust collecting year after year. This society was wearing me out and dragging me down.

I could still be drinking myself under the table and blacking out to investigate how much alcohol it takes to put me down.

I may have martyred myself just to make a profound point in the revolution.

I might still be thinking that I need to be with someone in order to be happy.

I never really felt like there was much holding me to this Earth before.

In fact, in high school, I’d indulged in the thought of suicide many many times and had despised myself for the lack of courage to make it happen. I’d decided that I could just kill myself another day. In the mean time, I could go on adventures and see what there was to discover and hope to uncover something worth staying and living for.

There were many times where I found a warm spot to sleep in someone’s heart.

These times were magical and I thoroughly enjoyed curling up in the rays of the Sun.

It was pretty soon that I’d learned how life works in waves. Pretty much everything works in waves. (light, sound, water, etc.) What goes up, must come down. And it seemed that the higher you went up, the lower you fell down.

The thing you have to ponder on is whether or not the ride was or is worth it.

When you figure that out, you can decide whether or not you might try again.

Having Eeo has brought me into a new dimension, though.

Nothing is the same.

My thinking is different.

Attitude, perspective, hopes, dreams, worries, Life!

Just when I became fearless myself, I had something to be fearful for.

This beautiful being…

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So young, naive, and pure of heart. ❤

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This cute little body with a soul in it.

And I am here to be of assistance. Guidance for all the things!

Everything that this world entails and then some.

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So, it is from her that I learn true compassion, selflessness, unconditional love, wisdom, and happiness. It is due to her, that I can become the best person I have ever wanted to be. I was never to reach my true potential and dreams without her.

And she gives me roots I’ve needed to feel like I really belong here on Earth.

So, I can’t leave this planet just yet.

I must proceed with caution and much patience now.

My life has a profound meaning as it affects hers entirely.

So, thank you, Eeo.

Mommy loves you very much. ❤

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Goodnight & Sweet Dreams!

❤ Kimlee

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