11/26/2011

There is a flower in my soul.
I pluck one by one. He likes me.. He likes me not. He likes me..
An observant mind processes cues about the world around me and I am confused.
Or so I would like to be. Confused beyond belief. Belief of my liberation.
Freedom seeps into my pores and I soak it up internally until the day it can be released.
Oh How to feel…
I tell myself not to, while I wonder why I don’t.
I supress myself.
I yearn to stop muffling my inner spirit.
I silence my most profound thoughts and intuitions.
I ache.
From the inside looking out, I observe and contemplate.
I inspect examples of learned history, encased in slides throughout the filing cabinets of my brain.
I refrain.
There’s a story here.
One to be told and heard.
To be observed.
And I watch.
And listen.
And learn.

 

So Much To Say…

Sometimes, I feel like I have so much to say, but no one to say it all to.

I used to just escape completely into my blog or just paint everything into a language of artistic creativity on a canvas. Lately, though, I’ve become aware of the audience that may see and feel what I have to say. 

Not that I care about what people think, so much as the exposure of my own thoughts and musings. 

I need the outlet, though.

Everything just collects inside of me and becomes a garbage heap of chaotic thinking for dull days. 

Along with the worry of exposure, comes the denial of honest feelings.

I long to express my desires and feelings, but remain too stubborn to admit them to the world. As if by keeping quiet, I can pretend to be less human and more of an observant ghost among many other ethereal beings in this “reality” we all cling to.

 

How hard it is to contain these invisible, impeccable meanderings and pretend that I don’t have them or that they merely don’t exist!

 

Is it a form of cowardice to contain oneself like so?

 

Does it dilute the magic of existing in such a beautiful realm to imprison the ambiance of the soul?

 

I do believe it may ring true that some of us become hard and calloused when dealing consistently with the trials and tribulations imparted on us by others, while others become soft and compassionate through and through.

I hate to wear this as some form of excuse, but my attire may be full of reciprocal conditioning. Admittedly.

 

Once again, I talk in poems and dress my words in bows and riddles making the most of sense while making no sense at all in hopes to divert the attention to the next paragraph and onward.

 

Impending doom exposure in 3…

2…

1…

 

I could never express to the world what it truly feels like to have someone that I enjoy discussing anything, nothing and everything with.

 

Across a vast distance, a voice through a speaker fills me with joy and remarkable feelings that I dare not share with you.

 

In a sea of thoughts throughout the day, I choose to drown in carefully hand selected ones that involve the attendance of you.

 

I no longer think that it is unfortunate that life has set up these circumstances and found interesting ways to keep things seemingly difficult when it comes to you.

 

I’ve really just become extremely grateful for any amount the experience that I can get of you.

 

I understand completely that happiness come from within, 

but I must admit that you have become a wonderful creator 

invoking happiness, joy, and elated feelings 

with barely any effort at all.

 

All I can do is reciprocate 

and thank you. 

 

{End of exposure}

 

Poetry Escapes.

Bubbling to the surface,

this cauldron overflows out from in

and the feelings within 

bleed out until they become thin.

 

Stretched beyond my understanding

encompassing everything known

and merging with the unknown 

to devise plans of my demise.

 

Through weary eyes…

I reflect 

and inspect in retrospect

wondering what the heck is going on.

 

A flowing song

going on 

and on

until my thoughts are gone

And silence stares me blankly in the face.

 

My heart beats at a rapid pace

leaving absolutely no trace

and this place becomes empty space

as I fall from grace into the next rat race

and conjure up the next admonition…

 

To tell myself, 

advice to follow

as I swallow a placebo effecting 

my entire internal desire

and I enter the eternal fire.

 

It is there that I perspire 

and conspire against 

everything that I stand for.

My liberties and grandeur.

 

I rinse my brain in comfort

let it drip into my eyes

wash my mouth out with hope

and repeat…

 

 

 

Thoughts from Georgia to Illinois

What are our rights if they’re not rightfully ours?

Are they wrongfully yours?

To be taken away at any sign of the first inconvenience to the system and the powers that be?

I wasn’t pregnant at the time of the arrests,

but I realize now that I wasn’t just doing this for myself and us.

We weren’t just doing this for the people of this country that are oblivious to our vanishing rights being sold out for political gains and a monetary profit.

We were doing it for the future generations like Eeo’s.

The babies that will grow into adults one day and wonder why we didn’t have our priorities straight.

Wondering why we tried to live infinitely and unsustainably within a finite system.

Wondering why we watched the generations before us kill the beauty of the world and chose to continue the tradition of the human “condition” rather than stopping the machine in it’s tracks and starting over with new ways of doing and thinking that made sense to the future members of our civilization and left the world in a better and more lovely state than we’d found it in.

 

This wasn’t a congregation of misfits trying to break the law because it seemed rebellious and adventurous.

This wasn’t a matter of just proving the Constitution to be invalid and blatantly abused.

This was a matter of an organic gathering of a collective consciousness willing to put their souls on the line in order to change the current paradigm.

Because underneath it all,
we all know that it needs to be done.

A paradigm shift is crucial to the survival of our human race, the entire collective of species on this planet, the delicate ecosystem we are tied to, and even just the quality of life on Earth for everything involved.

How can you deny change?

Occupy was dismissed by many in the beginning because of the lack of willingness to understand that we didn’t come out to our public forums to complain and point fingers and expect someone else to do something about everything wrong in the world.

We were there to highlight the issues, bring forth transparency, that we so desperately needed in order to even begin finding solutions and bring more awareness and community together in order to stop waiting for change and instead inact it.

Gandhi said to be the change that you wish to see in the world and we said “Okay!” ^_^!

Just some thoughts…

 

A Void.

I’m here. 

          Existing.

 

I can’t imagine what the world will feel like whenever I am capable again.

This is an impeccable moment for me.

Constant back pain, discomfort, anticipation, weakness, pelvic pain and a general inability to do normal things.

I can’t wait for Eeo to be here in my arms.

I can’t wait to be able to run and jump when I’m excited.

This period in my life is helping me deal with the most frustrating lesson in life.

The will of patience.

 

I do question myself. Only for a moment do I wonder if I can handle everything.

That moment is promptly followed by laughter in my head. 

I can handle anything.

And I will.

 

Some days just get to me, though.

The days that seem less bright.

Days where I can feel a bubble of emptiness inside.

I wonder what I wish would fill it.

 

I pour ideas into the void.

 

Then I realize that I had to have created the bubble.

So, I destroy it.

And make myself whole again.

 

Back to work.

Sunday, February 20, 2011 at 7:00pm

I feel like I’ve been putting together a puzzle for a year and a half. Almost like an Anthropologist Detective might. Although when the pieces fell together so well…

It wasn’t a pretty picture.

I know from collective knowledge and experience what needs to be done.

We need to start opening ourselves up more to people. Meet new people and help each other out. Learn to talk face to face without the cellphones in our ears and eyes. Without the computer in our face. The t.v. should definitely be thrown out of the window unless you are learning things that can be used in real life situations.

We need to be ready for a change now because it will not wait for us all to be ready.

Learn how to grown your own food.
Learn how to be peaceful with other people.
Learn to live without the high standards of living that we’ve built for ourselves. They’ve only become the walls that surround us and keep us from knowing our neighbors and having that connection with nature that we are losing every day. We can’t become robots all. There is no oil to sustain us.

Let’s rely on our own communities, families, and friends and start learning how to do things with our own hands and stop relying on Mother Culture to stock the supermarket shelves.

Learn useful skills. Remember: If you’ve ever mentally prepared yourself through a zombie apocalypse, survival bag and all, you could apply that to a disaster situation easily by simply substituting the zombies for whatever the antagonist may be. Basically “What would you do if all hell broke loose?” Wink! ^_~!

Your Pal,
~Kimlee

P.S.: Love, Peace, & Hope to All.

 

 

Egads! A Regular Blog Post, Batman!

Slowly but surely, I am becoming quite useless. 

Hahaha! xD

Eeo is gaining weight and stretching out in my belly making it harder to do a lot of things.

Like… Breathe, walk around, sleep, sit, and yeah… everything else you can think of.

I wanted to take a break from posting the pages of my book to just blog for once.

It’s really nice getting all kinds of stories out of my system. It feels like some kind of healing experience.

 

I now have two days left to finish packing up my things before I hop on the bus to Illinois.

It’s becoming an intense struggle to do normal things like laundry and move things around. 

I could sit and feel lonely or helpless about it, but I don’t have the time to feel sorry for myself.

lol. I need to get everything done before I leave, Monday.

Besides…

I have found a super happy thought to contemplate on whenever I find spare moments throughout the day.

I can’t tell you what that is, because I would have to kill you.

But, it’s powerful enough to vanquish anything negative that enters my brain.

And that is quite lovely. ❤

 

I’m extremely excited about the next phases of my life!

New adventures and experiences await and I can hardly contain my curiosity and hopes.

 

I can’t wait to get to Illinois and settle in.

I’m sure my activities will be limited soon, so I’m bringing a suitcase full of books, my laptop and things to draw with. I’m going to try to write, draw and read as much as I can before Eeo joins the outside world. 🙂

 

I’m glad my mom has been here hanging out. Even if she’s been trying to stuff me full of soda, potato chips, and delicious Vietnamese food. Hahaha!

Speaking of…

I’m going to go finish watching some crocodile shows with her now.

 

Peace, Love & Solidarity!

❤ Kimlee

 

My Life Story 6

          In Fourth grade, my Mom got tired of Defax trying to take us away and we moved to Forest Park. Michale and I enrolled in Fountain Elementary and we lived in apartment 3D. We were two of the only non-black kids at the school. I remember some kids calling me tacky and I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. Times were transitioning pretty slowly into the 90’s and my cheap wardrobe was hilarious to the other students. I had a caucasian teacher named Mr. Holland and that was the same year that Mr. Holland’s Opus came out in theatres. There was a crazy day where one of the students got into a fight with him and jumped on him. The kid bit a chunk of his ear off and they ended up out in the hallway. It was pretty intense.

          I used to come home crying every day. The kids picked on me because I wasn’t black. I made a friend with one girl, but she would turn on me as soon as other kids were around. They called me white girl. The counselor at this school had me in her office once and gifted me a bag of new clothes and told me to try them on. They were nice and I kept one of the dresses on for the rest of the day. That afternoon as I was walking in the aisle on the bus to get off, one of the kids yelled “Hey, white girl!” and grabbed my dress by the back of the collar and jerked really hard. It was a button-up dress and the buttons flew off one by one down the whole thing and I had to quickly grab at it to close it together before running off of the bus and straight home.

          One day after school, we all got off of the bus and the girl that pretended to be my friend started pushing me around and mocking me in front of everyone. She kept pushing me by my bookbag and saying “Come on, white girl!”, egging me on. Out of frustration, I turned around and punched her right in the nose. She put her hands to her face and ran home crying. She said she thought she heard her mom calling her. I ran home as fast as I could smiling and my sister said that was the first day that I came home and I wasn’t crying.

          We ended up moving back to our old house in Riverdale because things weren’t working out at our apartment and I started Fifth grade at James Brown Elementary.

 

(To Be Continued…)

 

 

Lol… Thanks for the picture, Lisa. I do believe I was sick this day.